Ageing

A few notes on the theme of ageing

Last Updated on Monday, 11 June 2012 12:56

Age Matters

“You’ll only be here until we’ve sorted out the electrics.” So he said as he bade his mother good-bye, leaving her in the nice house, with the nice staff.  Yet those “electrics” were a long time being sorted out and with the weeks his words of re-assurance became mechanical, then quiet, muttered with the embarrassment of one who talks of a death. Then the “electrics” were lost to sight and forgotten and the conversation turned to what had happened on the street where she lived. Then as Mum looked more and more remote and he became fearful of awakening memories and with them longings for what could not be delivered, the conversation went down to what was happening in the house. 
But he knew little of the life of the house and as Mum recalled fragments of her life before he was born he felt as though she was talking of a different world. So the conversation – interrogation – became “What have you had for dinner?” and he offered crumbs of information about what her grandchildren were doing, those disembodied spirits, names attached to superseded photographs. The little girl in the school photo. was now working far away and flourishing; nice to hear that, but she was in a different world.
And slowly Mum took on a far away gaze, looking at something on an horizon different from her son’s, decline set in and the gaze was finally fixed on the horizon of another land.
The funeral was nice and the Vicar said some lovely words about a ship going over the horizon. It all sounded so good, as Mum went to meet those gone before…it would be comforting to believe…
And so the years pass and the horizon of this world seems fixed. Then one day his daughter takes him for a ride to meet some nice people in a nice house. And as he settles in an armchair with his cup of tea he hears her say, “Of course, you’ll only be here until we’ve sorted out the electrics”. He is re-assured. But then his eyes re-focus and he feels the quiet panic of one standing on the deck of a ship, watching the quay recede and knowing not whether more to fear departing or arriving.
So then, putting away falsehood, let each of us speak the truth to our neighbour, for we are members of one another.
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ICE
The mobile ’phone has led to neglect of punctuation, but here is an easily remembered formula. On the initiative of a paramedic, people throughout the country are being encouraged to put into their mobile ’phones under the name ICE a number for contact in case of emergency. Anyone who has passed out in the street or been involved in an accident will not be in a position to give such information, nor will someone who has been found unconscious in their home. As it becomes more usual for members of the emergency services to look for mobile ’phones the inclusion of such a number under an easily recognized heading will be of obvious help.
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Questions of age
When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
Now I’ve got my head together, why is my body falling apart?
How do you make a come-back when you haven’t been anywhere?
Is the difference between a rut and a grave the depth?
Are these questions about mission shaped church? The need to be ready to change, the need to respond, the truth about the past, the discernment of ruts, graves and loyalty.
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Light from strange sources: Heroes of ageing
The second century satirist Lucian of Samosata was a prolific writer, some of whose works survive only in fragments. We have the introduction to his Heracles. In it he describes a Celtic depiction of Heracles, not as a strong man in the prime of life but as ‘extremely old, bald-headed, except for a few lingering hairs which are quite grey, his skin wrinkled…That old Heracles of theirs drags after him a great crowd of men who are all tethered by the ears the leashes resemble the prettiest of necklaces…and they pierce the tip of Heracles’ tongue…Moreover, he has his face turned toward his captives and is smiling.’ To the narrator’s puzzlement a Celt gives the answer by interpreting the painting: ‘…he is represented as an old man, for eloquence alone is wont to show its perfection in old age…[Poets say:] ‘A young man hath a wandering wit’ and ‘Old age has wiser words to say than youth’….The real Heracles was a wise man, who achieved everything by eloquence and applied persuasion as his principal force.’   
Does the assumption work that wisdom comes automatically with age?
Or do we as we age take care as to what we store in our minds?
Perhaps this is not so much a picture of old age as of the fruit of healthy ageing – for a detail not mentioned in the quotation is that the men are willing to be led.
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On the other hand…
…“agreeableness” describes a person who is open-minded, cheerful and accepting. As far as the latter two elements are concerned, might it not be the psychologically defensive response of individuals who have little alternative, those who “get used to anything, over time, if they have to”. Better to cover stoicism with a socially acceptable veneer? And how much of a decline in extroversion is due to a change in the underlying energy level which outgoing activity might require, and how much due to expectations of what is “appropriate at your age” and lack of opportunity to actually do what you want to do? Perhaps more of us need the courage and support to “grow old disgracefully” and to be more demanding and disagreeable.’
(Robert Slater The Psychology of Growing Older; Open University Press, 1995)
Might this have any bearing on synodical elections?
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What’s the point of visiting?
‘Jesus’ “lack of moral principles”. He sat at meal with publicans and sinners, He consorted with harlots. Did He do this to obtain their votes? Or did He think that, perhaps He could convert them by such “appeasement”? Or was His humanity rich and deep enough to make contact, even in them, with that in human nature which is common to all men, indestructible, and upon which the future has to be built?’
(Dag Hammarskjold Soundings)
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From the Bishop’s Adviser on Issues related to Ageing,
Kevin Barnard
The Vicarage, Stone Moor Road, Bolsterstone, Sheffield S36 3ZN
0114  2882149
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